


The Great MSBY Black Jackal Pizza Bake Off

by awkwardedgeworth



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Cooking, Crack?, Humor, M/M, all of this started because these two assholes are competitive, pls do not attempt to set a kitchen towel on fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28316031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardedgeworth/pseuds/awkwardedgeworth
Summary: Because they're in the middle of a pandemic and the 2020-21 V.League season is coming up, Kuroo decided that it's time to utilize their official YouTube channel and feature a video with all four of them."How does makingpizza from scratch," Sakusa asks flatly, "Equate to volleyball?"
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 375





	The Great MSBY Black Jackal Pizza Bake Off

**Author's Note:**

> i know hinata isn't with MSBY in the canon current timeline (he's with asas são paulo?) but artistic liberties
> 
> this is my holiday gift to the sakuatsu fandom! please stay home today with a hot cup of tea/chocolate/coffee and read this semi-crack fic!
> 
> (this was totally inspired by the try guys without a recipe, the excuse of me wanting to get sakusa drunk and the idea of sakuatsu being competitive af with each other)
> 
> cw: brief mention of alcohol

He's not good at cooking.

Look, he feeds himself fine. Sakusa follows the diet plan Mamiko-san waves around, dutifully estimates the macros of his diet and keeps away from alcohol during the on-season. He knows how to make several basic dishes and those are enough to sustain him ever since he moved from Tokyo to Osaka.

But Atsumu? His twin seemed to have shared his passion and mastery of cooking in the womb.

Kobe beef in nabe that warms their frigid winter bodies. Spicy miso ramen with sous vide pork during a rainy afternoon and apologies strewn when Atsumu underestimated Sakusa's spice tolerance. Beef curry that rivals the one from Sakusa's favorite chain, comforting miso soup and grilled salmon whenever he would stay over for the night, reminding him of his mother's scrawled messages of ' _good morning! breakfast under the plate cover_ ' as she wakes up at 4 to prepare food before running off to the hospital with his father.

And once Olympics came and meal times were served buffet styled, Atsumu began sharpening the knives Osamu bought for him as Sakusa bravely nibbled dishes from other countries and nodded his approval.

Japchae, pumpkin soup, buckwheat noodles with chilled broth, steamed fish with ginger and scallions. Sakusa chokes on a spicy beef stew— rendang— as the twins voraciously fight over who gets the last beef chunk.

Atsumu's cupboard expands with spices from specialty stores. Osamu visits and Atsumu drags both of them to an authentic Mexican hole in the wall that serves the best carne asada, eager as he tries to recreate it.

"I taste soap," Bokuto sadly says when Atsumu tugged him and Akaashi over for dinner. Akaashi is enjoying himself, humming, before Bokuto juts out his bottom lip and frowns at the cilantro on his plate.

"Ah, it's alright, Bokuto-san, some people taste soap too."

"Omi-Omi is so lucky to have Tsum-Tsum," Bokuto chirps. Sakusa lowers his spoon, watching Atsumu urge Akaashi to try more guacamole since it's not every day that Yokado will have such good sales on their avocados, being an import item, "All this delicious food! You don't cook right?"

Sakusa sniffs, "I make breakfast."

Atsumu smirks like a proud grandmother, "Nah, Omi-kun's terrible. Why do you think I cook now?"

Sakusa kicks his boyfriend's leg under the table, "Who said I was terrible at cooking?"

"Motoya-kun, Hiromi-san," Atsumu says, holding up his left hand and pushing his thumb and pointer finger down. He has a list, Sakusa realizes, already itching to call his cousin and demand an explanation, "Hitomi-san, Naomi-san and me."

"You like my oatmeal!"

Atsumu stage whispers to a confused Akaashi, "Before we dated, Omi-kun would boil his udon and eat it with _water_."

"That was only once and that's because I ran out of instant dashi and miso!"

" _What kind of person runs out of instant dashi and miso?_ "

" _A person who had finals two weeks in a row and the All Japan Intercollegiate Championship!_ "

"Omi's mother told me how grateful she was for keeping her baby boy fed," Atsumu says, bullshit coming out of every orifice as Bokuto meeps and begins to inch away from Sakusa, sensing impending doom.

Sakusa sneers, "You're just fishing for compliments."

"I don't see you saying otherwise!" Atsumu looks down at Sakusa's clean bowl and grins, "Just admit it, I'm a better chef than you. It's like how I'm a better setter."

"I would hope that you're the better setter out of the two of us considering that setting is your _job_."

"You're just jealous of my cooking skills!"

Even if Sakusa is jealous, there's no way he's going to ever let Atsumu know. His head is already so inflated that it would pop the moment he compliments him, "Jealous of what? How you mixed up sugar with salt one time and fed me salty cookies?"

Atsumu turns beet red, "Omi-kun! You promised to never say that out loud!"

"Tsum-tsum bakes?"

"Shh, Bokuto-san."

Sakusa turns his nose up at Atsumu, trying to suppress a smug smile, ''I don't remember saying that. I just remember you pathetically moaning because you wanted to make salted mackerel for lunch the next day."

"You're such a sore loser," Atsumu is using the guacamole spoon to point at him. Sakusa glares, "You'd lose in a cooking competition."

"Is that a bet, _Miya?_ "

"Why?" Atsumu leans in, "Are you scared, _Sakusa?_ "

"Uh—"

"Shh, Bokuto-san."

"I _can_ and will beat you in cooking," Sakusa announces, standing up and putting a firm hand on the table. He'd suffered through three years of home economics in Itachiyama.

Atsumu's features contort and twist, then he slams his hands down too, "You're on!"

"Fine!"

" _Fine!_ "

"Uh."

"Shh, Bokuto-san."

Because they're in the middle of a pandemic and the 2020-21 V.League season is coming up, Kuroo decided that it's time to utilize their official YouTube channel and feature a video with all four of them.

"How does making _pizza from scratch_ ," Sakusa asks flatly as he gives a glance at the camera crew darting around with medical masks, "Equate to volleyball?"

And because Atsumu is a competitive bitch and Sakusa loves him dearly, he didn't make a comment when Atsumu's hand flew up in the air a week ago when Kuroo pitched his idea over a video call, essentially sealing their fate.

They're all shoved in a corner of the studio, half shielded behind a plexiglass wall. Sakusa eyes his competitors, meeting Atsumu's cocksure grin. Hinata and Bokuto will probably be hard to beat, the former because he's lived alone and probably has more worldly taste while the ladder lives with the man who keeps threatening to shut down Onigiri Miya from onigiri consumption alone.

Kuroo, having long discarded his suit jacket with his sleeves rolled up, grins behind his mask, eyes crinkling, "A chance for the public to see the best four of the Monster Generation, of course, who doesn't love that? We all took home economics in high school, it'll be fine."

Hinata, Bokuto and Atsumu preen.

Sakusa gives Kuroo a suspicious glare.

"But I gotta ask, who's the best one out of all of us?" Atsumu leans in.

Kuroo swivels his head away, cheerily calling, "Oh, looks like they're ready."

Atsumu wilts. Sakusa snickers and blocks an elbow to his side as Kuroo herds them in front of the set, "Loser."

"Shut up, Omi-kun."

"I think you're one of the best setters in all of V.League, Atsumu-san!" Hinata is bright and as chirpy as his yellow hoodie, the logo for Bouncing Ball Corp poking out where his apron is covering his chest. 

They were allowed to wear whatever they want today, and while everyone including him opted for something comfortable, Atsumu, for some strange, odd reason, is wearing a black dress shirt and slacks, the muscles around his arms flexing every time he moves. Sakusa has to stop himself from staring at it for too long but as he turns his head away, Bokuto winks at him.

He sours.

Atsumu whirls around to glare at Hinata, hooking his mask off as everyone darts behind the plexiglass that separates the staff and them. Oddly, everyone on set are former volleyball alums with Ennoshita directing the cameras, Fukurodani's old managers in charge of the sound and Tanaka Kiyoko and Yachi Hitoka chasing after them with makeup brushes.

"Shou-kun! What's that supposed to mean? I'm ' _one of the best?_ '" Atsumu places his hand on his forehead as Bokuto starts fighting with his apron, trying to tie it, "Are you cheating on me with some other setter?"

Hinata turns his head to give Sakusa a smile, "Omi-san! Do you need help with the apron?"

"Hey!! I'm still here!"

"No, you should help Bokuto, though."

"Will do!" Ninja Shouyou skips to the side. Atsumu takes his moment to stand where Hinata was, grinning.

Sakusa blinks and groans.

The set they're in today is separated in two sections, each mirroring the other. The left hand side of the kitchen has the same number of appliances as the other, but Sakusa was banking on having some peace and quiet while the cameras are on and watch the chaos that's Atsumu and Bokuto attempting to make something from far, far away.

"Ready to roll?" Kuroo calls out, sitting behind the plexiglass, off to the side with today's sponsor, Bouncing Ball's own boss, Kenma, wearing the same hoodie Hinata is in.

Sakusa plucks his masks off, tossing it to the bin under the counter as the studio lights seem to glow slightly hotter.

"MSBY Black Jackals Bake Off take one in three, two, one...!"

"Doing a lot of wrangling over there, aren't you?"

Sakusa glares, wiping rice flour from his cheek because for some reason, Bokuto thought making pizza dough from rice flour was a good idea and spending the past five minutes yelling at him that there's no gluten in sweet rice flour so he'll end up with a fragile base.

"But Akaashi loves rice!—" Bokuto moans again, still standing at the pantry side of the set while he gazes at the flour selection. Sakusa glares, "I want to dedicate my pizza to Akaashi, my boyfriend!"

"We all know Akaashi-kun's your boyfriend!" Atsumu calls from the other side, holding onto a bag yellow and green bag of strong flour with pictures of bread dotting the packaging, "But you're not going to be able to stretch your dough if you use that! This isn't a mochi competition!"

" _But Akaashi!—_ "

"Isn't here," Sakusa snaps, taking a bag of Nisshin flour from the shelf and throwing it. He half expected Bokuto to petulantly pout and let the flour drop, but he catches it with one giant hand, a puff of it coming out and coating his apron, "And there are judges to impress. You don't want to _burn_ it, right?"

"We're getting judges?" Atsumu squawks, "Wait, I wasn't aware of this!"

Sakusa snipes sarcastically, grabbing a scale and bowls from behind his workstation, "Did you think we were feeding the pizzas to each other?"

"Let's all make good pizzas today!" They hear Hinata sing, beaming at the nearest camera to him. Behind it, Ennoshita gives him a thumbs up, and Sakusa sees Kuroo laughing into his elbow.

Ten minutes into the two hour challenge, Atsumu shrieks when two familiar faces appear.

"Why the _fuck_ are you here?" Atsumu hisses, holding a measuring cup of warm water. Sakusa looks up from where he'd painstakingly measure his dry ingredients while his yeast blooms. "You're not even a pizza chef!"

"Yes," Osamu says, rolling his eyes. He's in a black dress shirt too, hat gone. His hair is pushed back, "But I eat pizza therefore I'm more than certified to be the judge today."

"Kuroo-san! I refuse to acknowledge this scrub to be our judge!"

"You wanna fucking go, Tsumu? What are you making for me? Another burnt risotto?"

_"You promised to never speak of that!"_

"I wish my boyfriend wasn't working today," Bokuto sniffles half to himself, "We make food all the time. He even has a YouTube channel _about_ food."

"Motoya," Sakusa greets his cousin, who immediately darts over to him, wearing an EJP mask as his eyes crinkle in the corners, "This is a surprise."

"This is fun, isn't it? Suna's backstage getting behind the scenes stuff for the V.League social media account," Atsumu and Osamu starts squabbling. Hinata is cheerfully chatting to Ennoshita and Ennoshita only about the Portuguese egg tarts he made the other day. The cameras eat it all up, "We made pizza once in first year, didn't we?"

Sakusa did not spent all of the past week asking his mother to go through the old school notes in his old bedroom in order to commit the measurements to memory. In his opinion, there's little that can go wrong if he follows the ratio of wet to dry ingredients, "Yes."

"Tell me about your pizza," Motoya gestures to his work station, eyes bright.

Off to the side, Sakusa sees Atsumu clam up, twisting around from where Osamu had criticized the amount of onions Atsumu is cutting.

"Are you trying to turn every fan away from signing your poster? Because that's what I'm seeing right now."

"Shut up! You're going to be so amazed by my onions when you eat it you'll cry!"

Sakusa clears his throat, "It'll be tomato based."

Everyone looks at him, even Bokuto who's already turning his mixing bowl upside down, a stretchy ball of dough dropping onto the floured work surface thanks to gravity. Hinata is in the middle of using a can opener, eyes trained on him.

Sakusa stares. The studio is awfully silent. He feels like he's serving, the studio lights on him hot as sweat starts to pool on his forehead.

"Is... that it?" Motoya prompts him.

"Yes."

"What the hell, that's so boring!" Atsumu scoffs, "Moto-kun, ask me next! I'll walk you through the fig, caramelized onion and goat cheese pizza I'm making."

"True caramelized onion takes _hours_ ," Sakusa sneers, "The sugars are broken down by pyrolysis, but you won't get that golden brown color if we're half an hour into it already."

"' _Pyrolysis_ ,"' Atsumu mocks, tossing a giant bowl of sliced onions into a pot. Above, the boom mics are quickly yanked up as the sizzles nearly drowns Atsumu's voice, "Big words, Omi, bet you looked that up right before we came here."

"I did not! I took a nutrition and food sciences class in Waseda!"

"My name is Sakusa Kiyoomi~" Atsumu drops his voice, fluttering his lashes as Komori gives a nod of his head as if to say, _yep, you mimicked my cousin's voice spot on_ , "I went to university~"

" _My name is Miya Atsumu,_ " Sakusa imitates, provoked, as he dumps his warm yeasty mixture into the mixing bowl, " _And I didn't know what purple shampoo was until I graduated high school._ "

"Hey!"

Osamu wheezes, bending down and slapping his thighs as Atsumu wavers between Sakusa grinning at him and trying to force his brother to stop laughing at his expense.

"Anyways, you guys look like you're busy," Komori speedily walks away, heading towards Hinata and Bokuto who are communicating to each other solely through sound effects. There's dough in Bokuto's hair and eyebrows. The studio lights may or may not be cooking it, "I'll check on you two later!"

"Moto-kun, you didn't even ask about my pizza!" Atsumu wails, lunging across his counter as Komori darts behind Osamu. Sakusa laughs as the cameras swivel to follow his cousin.

"O-mi-kun!"

"A-tsu-mu," Sakusa chuckles, putting all of his dry ingredients into the bowl. Atsumu makes a grumpy noise and then Sakusa yells, grabbing his hand.

"OW!"

"Did you just toss in sugar into my dough? You're such a cheater!" Sakusa glances at the cameras to see if they've caught anything, but all of them are trained on Komori, who is more invested in helping Bokuto free his hair of half-cooked pizza dough. Hinata is twittering to Osamu, for some strange reason, as he's chopping up praline.

"It's salt!"

Sakusa looks at the container of white powder with the lid popped off, grabs a new spoon, and sticks it into his mouth.

"This is sugar! Sabotage!"

"Omi-san!~" Hinata sings, whizzing to him. Atsumu leaps away from getting his shins bruised, "Can I borrow your sugar?"

"What are you making?" Sakusa warily asks, gazing at his work station. Why is his pizza dough brown? And why is there a thermometer sticking out of a metal saucepan as well as egg yolks sitting on top of what he assumes is a mountain of sugar? Does Sakusa need to sit him down and tell him that caramel doesn't belong in pizza? "You know that if you let egg yolks and sugar sit for too long, it'll burn?"

"Pizza!" Hinata cheerfully salutes, grabbing the container and hopping back to his station where Osamu is stirring the mysterious metal saucepan for him.

"HEY!" Atsumu barks, points at his brother, "Samu! Are you helping Shouyou-kun? Kuroo-san, is this even allowed?"

Kuroo is nowhere to be seen. Sakusa wishes he can do the same, pulling out his dough with disgust as he thinks about the ruined flavor. He spots Suna behind the plexiglass wall, waving at them with his phone in his hand as he sits next to Tsukishima, who is manning one of the cameras.

"You're such a sore loser," He hisses under his breath as Atsumu hums next to him, stirring his onions every few minutes. His dough is resting in an oiled bowl, under a kitchen towel.

Sakusa looks around. Everyone's doughs are resting and he's still kneading. He pouts, working the dough even faster and thinking of what toppings he wants to put on. It should be something that would stand by itself. Bokuto's making a mysterious concoction, Hinata is making a dessert pizza and Atsumu is going for the savory option.

Sakusa decides to drown his dough in more olive oil, trying to work the extra oil through kneading alone. If he can't beat Atsumu's pizza on taste, he'll take what he can get from creating a better crust.

"Sorry, I can't hear you over my inevitable success," His boyfriend gloats, "What are you making, Omi-kun?"

"Smoked gouda and ham."

"That's so basic."

Sakusa _hmphs_ , "You weren't complaining when _I_ added smoked gouda into your eggs!"

Atsumu laughs airily. Sakusa wonders if he'll get kicked to the couch tonight if he smears some pizza dough into Atsumu's hair, "You're so cute, though, Omi-kun, thinking of me!"

Sakusa looks at the bag of flour near him, picks up a pinch and throws it at Atsumu.

"Omi!" Atsumu flails, turning to the side so he doesn't shake flour into his onions.

He laughs, before he coughs when flour enters his mouth. Atsumu grins at him, holding his wooden spatula like it's a sword.

"I challenge you to a battle!" Sakusa barely catches the spare wooden spatula tossed in his direction. Behind the plexiglass, Tsukishima is rolling his eyes while Suna trains his phone at them, "A fight to the death!"

"You're such a little _shit—_ " He manages to say before he drops his smile.

Atsumu blinks. He lowers his spatula.

"What's burning?" Sakusa demands sharply, causing everyone to look at him.

At his words, Hinata looks down at his pot, frowning, before shaking his head, the international message of, _it's not me_.

Bokuto looks up from where he's mixing a bowl of mysterious dark sauce, chatting to Komori about how his boyfriend loves onigiri, "Burning?"

"Yes," Sakusa snaps, knowing something like this had happened in the dorms before, hence why Meian banned Bokuto from touching the kitchen without supervision, "Something is burning, did you turn on the oven?"

"I did. To preheat my pizza stone."

At the mention, Hinata peeks into the industrial sized oven on his side, flipping the light switch and shrieking.

"Yachi-san! Bring the fire extinguisher!" Hinata scrambles to put on oven gloves, a hand tugging down on the door as Sakusa realizes what's about to happen.

" _Hina_ —"

The oven door opens and the extra oxygen causes the flames to jump. Hinata yells at the kitchen towel left in there before slamming the oven door shut and looking left and right for assistance, eyebrows looking singed.

Kuroo darts on set with a fire extinguisher, Suna and Kenma drawing their phones out as Bokuto babbles apologies of how he swore he wasn't trying to be an arsonist, does Hinata's eyebrows need to be redrawn by Tanaka-san? 

The smoke detectors finally react with a loud shrill and the sprinklers activate.

Various staff members yelp, soaked in seconds. Sakusa pulls his hands away from his wet dough, snatching an empty bowl and placing it upside down as a cover.

"We'll take a break!" Kuroo yelps, finally emerging out of the dark cloud coming from the oven. His hair hangs over his eyes, flat, "Take half an hour, everyone!"

Bokuto is sobbing and leaning on Hinata. Hinata is telling a half-drowned Yachi that he is perfectly fine and doesn't care about his eyebrows being singed. Sakusa walks over to the pantry with sticky hands and selects a bottle of red.

"...Are you making a wine reduction?" Atsumu asks dubiously.

"No," He uncorks it with a twist of his hands and tips the wine bottle into his mouth after cleaning the rim, "This is all for me."

They get back to work after a one hour break. Sakusa thinks he made a poor life decision in choosing to guzzle an entire bottle of wine in half an hour because when he comes back on set with a new plan on how to reclaim his position as the best pizza maker in MSBY, he nearly loses a finger trying to cut sausages.

"Bad! Omi bad!"

"Don't command me like a dog!" Sakusa barks, hip-checking Atsumu away from his station, "Go back and cry over your onions!"

"I don't cry!"

"You cried the other day when someone's grandma said you looked like her grandson."

"I'm charmed she would think of me like that!" Atsumu spits, before Komori and Osamu shows up by his shoulder.

Sakusa smirks, sending a quick thanks to his cousin for drawing his attention away. Atsumu flounces with great pride at his creation, pointing to the pizza stone baking in the oven currently and the dough he's sectioning off.

"My dough is perfect, unlike Omi's."

Komori turns to see what Sakusa is doing and chokes, "Uh, are you having trouble?"

Sakusa points a very wet finger at him, "Not a word, Motoya!" There's an arm over his shoulder now and he turns to see Atsumu smirk, "Get off me."

"Your dough is too hydrated. Can you even stretch it?"

Sakusa has rolled it into a vague circle but it's spreading all over the table like a sentient slime mold. He dusts more flour on it, "It's _fine_ , it'll taste better than yours when it comes out."

"You sure about that?"

Osamu saves the day, chirping, "Why don't you worry about _your_ pizza, Tsumu? Ten minutes left."

"Alright, alright," Atsumu holds his hands up, going over to his work station. For the next bit, Sakusa answers some question about what he's up to during his time off, agreeing that the monsoon season this year so far _is_ particularly bad, and no, they definitely don't want another Hagibis situation.

It's not until he's mushing the garlic with his knife to take their skin off that Komori clears his throat, "Um, Kiyoomi, how much garlic are you adding to your sauce?"

Sakusa looks up, knife in hand.

"Nine?"

"Nine?!" Atsumu yells at him, "Are you warding off vampires or something? Even I don't put that much garlic in my cooking!"

"There's no limit to how much garlic you can put in."

"That's what amateurs say."

Sakusa doesn't really think how he's on camera, in front of former volleyball alums and managers who he played against and shook hands with, and he certainly doesn't think of the consequences when he swats Atsumu's ass.

Atsumu _squeaks_.

The entire studio falls silent, then Bokuto pouts, "Aw, I wish Akaashi was here!"

Everyone starts laughing, including Sakusa, as Hinata pats Bokuto's elbow and cheerily says how Akaashi surely misses him right now too. 

Atsumu resembles the tomato sauce in Sakusa's bowl, " _Omi-kun!_ "

"Scrub," Osamu says fondly, some brotherly instinct coming out as he headlocks his twin. After Atsumu wrestles him off, smearing some balsamic reduction on Osamu's cheek with the back of a spoon, Osamu tows Komori away to check on Bokuto and Hinata.

Sakusa starts ladling his tomato sauce on as Atsumu slides over.

"So Samu told me there's a giant flour handprint right on my ass."

Sakusa doesn't blush but he starts sweating, trying to work as fast as possible with a woozy head. Komori once said he's the most sober person with a bottle of wine in him, and he intends to live up to that name.

"So? You look good in all black," He scoffs, hiding his discomfort as he starts throwing ham slices on his pizza. He grabs the bowl of sausages next, "And your ass is—"

"Perfect."

"You wish."

Atsumu chuckles but floats away to work on his pizza. They open the oven door at the same time and slide their pizzas in record time before the timer goes off, high-fiving and causing a cloud of flour to erupt over their faces.

Then when something starts burning and smoking from the other side of the kitchen and Kuroo is sprinting forward with another fire extinguisher, Atsumu pulls him down behind the counters and kisses him.

Sakusa doesn't waste any time, gripping his forearms and leaning into him enthusiastically when he hears footsteps and his cousin yelling.

"Kiyoomi? Where did— Ugh! Get a ROOM!"

"I'll be judging on whether it qualifies as a pizza, creativity and if it's edible enough to be eaten," Osamu tells the camera, Komori and Suna right beside him and nodding. There's a plexiglass divider dividing the judging table from where all four of them are lined up on the other side with their food.

"Kiyoomi, you first!" Komori calls out, and Sakusa crabbily glares as he slides his pizza below the partition.

"Oh." Osamu.

"Hm." Suna hums, popping a lactase pill so he can eat cheese and not run for the bathrooms.

"It's...swimming in oil," Komori looks down.

"I over hydrated the dough," He grumbles to the camera, crossing his arms. 

"Not only that," Atsumu sings, getting into his space as he grips his shoulders firmly, "You—"

Sakusa attempts to shove him off the bench, "Get out, you'll get your turn later."

The overhydrated dough combined with the oiliness of the sausages and his overenthusiasm at cheese-sprinkling resulted in a giant lake of oil pooled in the middle. But what crust that can be seen and isn't drowning in tomato sauce is golden and bubbly, so he did one thing correctly.

Osamu pulls the first slice out of the tray and Atsumu makes a noise when the oil slides right off into the pan.

"I mean, the bottom is cooked," Osamu flips it around to the camera, showing that yes, the bottom _is_ cooked. He turns his head and gasps, "You guys are already eating?!"

"Chewy," Suna nods, "It's good."

Sakusa's chest swells with hope. Komori gives him a thumbs up.

Osamu hums, "The sauce is acidic, cuts the fattiness of the sausage, ham and cheese well. Did you add some lemon juice?"

"I did."

"Cheater," Atsumu hisses. Sakusa kicks his shins beneath the table. Behind the camera, Ennoshita chuckles.

"The dough could use some work but really well done, Sakusa!" Osamu gives him a winning smile. Sakusa thanks them and stands up, walking to the end of the line as Atsumu slides over.

"I've made a fig, caramelized onion and goat cheese pizza for everyone. There's a balsamic reduction and some sprinkles of arugula," Atsumu smirks, watching them tuck in. Immediately, Suna and Komori make identical pleased noises.

"The onions are sweet, there's tartness from the cheese," Komori gushes, swallowing the rest of his slice and reaching for another, "Wow!"

"This is amazing, Tsumu," Suna tells him.

Atsumu's face splits into a giant leer. Sakusa flips him the middle finger, making sure the camera can't catch it as Atsumu sticks his tongue out.

"Bland."

"HUH?!" Atsumu barks at his brother.

Osamu sniffs, twisting the edge of the crust, "It's stiff here, you didn't knead it enough and this area didn't have a lot of gluten. Yours also doesn't have enough bubbles as Sakusa's, were you using expired yeast?"

"No! We all used the same yeast!"

"You should've added more salt to the onions too, the figs are naturally sweet and with the cooked onions, the flavors are just sweet and tart," Osamu says. Sakusa starts laughing at the betrayed expression on Atsumu's face, "Figures you're the amateur one here."

"E-Excuse me? At least my pizza wasn't drenched in oil!"

Osamu crosses his arms and cocks his head at his twin, "This is the most effort I've seen you put into making food. Back when we were living with Ma you'd always shaft the cooking to me."

Atsumu faces the camera spluttering, "Don't listen to him! Every time I tried to make something he got so picky about the flavors that I just gave up and said _he_ should cook! And I always put effort into cooking! Ask Shou-kun or Bokkun or Omi-kun!"

Hinata nervously laughs.

"You're sure they're not just pitying you?"

"SAMU!"

"Next!" Osamu calls.

"You can't do this to me! I made a perfectly edible pizza that wasn't soaked in oil!"

"Yes I can!" Osamu orders, "Next!"

Atsumu reluctantly stomps over to the end of the bench as Bokuto shuffles over and starts bouncing in his seat, giving the camera dreamy eyes.

"The pizza I made was for my _boyfriend_ , Akaashi—" Atsumu mumbles something like, _god help us_ into Sakusa's ear— "So I decided to put all of his favorite things on it!"

Suna raises an eyebrow as he picks up a very charred slice, frowning at the burnt white stuff, "Is...Is this rice?"

"You bet it is! Akaashi's favorite food is onigiri!"

"Bokkun can't suck up to my brother like that," Atsumu grumps. Sakusa smirks at him and mockingly pats his thigh.

Suna pokes at the cream sauce drizzled over the blackened areas and bringing it to his mouth, "...And this is kewpie mayo?"

"Sure is!"

Osamu picks up a tiny green cube of vegetable, "Is this supposed to be my spicy cucumbers?"

"I tried to recreate it, yeah!"

Osamu looks touched. Komori is making pained faces as he tries to swallow the burnt rice, smacking his lips.

"The sauce...it tastes familiar."

Bokuto puffs his chest out, "I brushed tsuyu and mirin over the rice. Not bad, right?"

"Asides from the burnt parts and the ten million pieces of hard rice stuck to my molars, yeah it's not bad at all considering you went into this blind," Suna says, shrugging. Osamu eats his with gusto, "There's spice and tartness from the cucumbers, the mayo is nice."

"WOOH!" Bokuto cheers, giving the camera a Bokuto Beam as he dances away.

Hinata, the last one, slides his pizza under the partition and Sakusa watches as everyone's eyebrows disappear into their hairline.

"So that last fire was from me this time," Hinata tells the camera, laughing. Sakusa stares at his charred pizza, wondering if his cousin would eat it. "Turns out you can't cook pizza in two minutes on the highest setting."

"Why did you have to do that?" He frowns.

"I was running out of time making the custard!"

"Custard."

Hinata nods enthusiastically, pointing to the slice Suna bravely pulled out. The pizza crumbles and all of them yelp as the crust breaks off, "Cookie dough for the base, egg custard like Heitor and Nice taught me, caramel drizzle and some chocolate chips and marshmallows! Meals should end with desserts, right?"

"I hope it's edible," Sakusa says. He gets a kick from Atsumu for his comment but Hinata gives him a beaming smile as Osamu bravely nibbles it.

"It's good, the dough is uh," Osamu tries to save his crumbling slice, "Moist where it's not breaking, the caramel is a little on the burnt side which is good because the slight bitterness offsets the marshmallows and chocolates. What do you think, Komori?"

"I like the creativity behind it," His cousins gives him two thumbs up, licking chocolate off his lips.

"It sticks out from the others for sure," Suna says, "Nice job, Hinata."

Osamu brushes his mouth away with a napkin, gazing at his fellow judges, "Should we yell out our favorites on three?" Nods, "Favorites in one, two, three!"

"Atsumu."

"Bokuto."

"Hinata."

Sakusa hears Atsumu's cackle in his ears as Hinata turns to him with sad puppy eyes, "Omi-san! Don't worry! You'll do better next time!"

"Yeah Omi-kun," Atsumu laughs as Bokuto stands on his feet and starts doing backflips around the studio, nearly kicking over the plexiglass wall, "You'll redeem yourself in the next one— HEY wait a second!" He roars, pointing at the judges, "How come I only got a vote from Moto-kun?!"

Suna shrugs, "Hinata's was more creative than yours. I know you chose a fig pizza because you went to that pizza place near Osaka Station the other day."

"And I'll never be impressed with your cooking," Osamu says point blank, no mercy whatsoever. Sakusa hides his smile behind a hand at Atsumu's appalled expression.

"Samu!"

Osamu turns his head to the camera, waving, "Thank you for joining us!"

Everyone including Atsumu turns to the camera, bowing their heads, "Thank you for joining us!"

"I'm going to fight him the next time I come into his store," Atsumu grumbles, gritting his teeth loudly. Shooting had wrapped up later than they expected so once everyone cleaned up and tucked the equipment away, they all went home to redraw themselves into their social bubble.

Sakusa records his temperature on his phone, passing the thermometer to Atsumu, who presses it between his armpits. 

"I'm surprised you're not waving the victory over my face."

"Victory? What victory?"

Sakusa gives him a flat look. A beep comes from the thermometer. Atsumu looks at it and places it on their bedside table.

"Really?" He huffs, "You don't remember _why_ you volunteered us to make fools of ourselves in front of half the people we played volleyball against?"

Atsumu blinks. Sakusa sighs.

"Uh—"

"Forget it," He says, feeling arms slide around his middle. Atsumu always runs warm so he sleeps without a shirt, burying his nose into where Sakusa's jawline meets his neck.

Atsumu makes a noise, curled up. Sakusa shifts into him, smelling the shampoo from his hair as he strokes idly patterns on his bare waist. They're both quiet, slowly falling asleep before Sakusa jolts awake to Atsumu screaming in his ear.

"I beat you!" Atsumu shoves his face into the crook of his neck, "I told you I was the better cook out of the two of us!"

"Yes, yes," Sakusa groans, not even bothering to open his eyes, "Let me go back to sleep."

A giggle. Sakusa relaxes his mouth when a hand tilts his head to the right, lips pressing against his.

"What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Pizza."

Atsumu swings a leg over his hips, smiling into Sakusa's neck, "Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> so that band sakuatsu au i said i was going to write? yeah, brain rot has taken over my atla sakuatsus instead so...ill be writing an atsumu companion piece to that instead. But! the band au will get written (eventually).
> 
> have a good rest of your holiday and year! (waves) stay safe and wash your hands, i'll see you all in 2021!


End file.
